Celebrity News:

Forget the 'fascinating' celebs. Here are 10 people who seriously need to go away - now

Dec 06, 2007 04:30 AM
Vinay Menon
TELEVISION CRITIC

Yes, it's time again.

And, no, I'm not referring to Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2007 (ABC, 10 tonight). As an antidote to the grand dame's squishy spectacle, The East York Bunker Presents: The 10 Least Fascinating People of 2007:

10. Kim Kardashian

Reality show? Check. Playboy spread? Check. Leaked sex tape? Check. Yes, Kardashian is following The Celebutante's Guide To Getting Famous. Problem: It's not working. But watching her try - was she actually robbed at a New York airport or was that a publicity stunt? - is becoming unbearable. Anybody who can make Paris Hilton seem like Ayn Rand should be banished from the conversation.

9. Sanjaya Malakar

He became a household name on American Idol this year. But it wasn't for the singing, which often sounded like it was escaping the lungs of somebody being tortured with a molten prod. Then there were the hairstyles, the apparent handiwork of Dadaist monkeys armed with garden shears and spackle. So long, Mr. Fauxhawk. Turn off the lights on your way out.

8. Amy Winehouse

This year, Winehouse put her singing career on hold to begin a grim tango with self-destruction: drugs, booze, brawls, meltdowns and public displays of batty-eyed lunacy. By giving her demons a backstage pass, Winehouse has generated enough scandal to fill her own tabloid. Here's hoping she listens to her own hit, "Rehab," and uses those tattered ballet shoes to pad away from the public eye.

7. Andy Dick

You know, there's a problem when Jon Lovitz is moved to physical violence. But when he roughed up Andy Dick this year over a remark about the late Phil Hartman - who was a dear friend of Lovitz - few in Hollywood wagged a disapproving finger. Instead, it was high-fives all around. Andy Dick is a barnacle on the S.S. Fame and his increasingly unhinged demeanour eclipsed irritating a long time ago. The guy's last name says it all.

6. Tila Tequila

Is she a bisexual in search of true love or a shameless self-promoter? Doesn't matter because Tila Tequila is a yawn. From MySpace phenomenon to MTV star, the giddy lass has cultivated a following among half-soused college brats and online weirdoes. Now if she could just do something the rest of us would find mildly entertaining. Or, better yet, vamoose.

5. Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt

The death this year of Anna Nicole Smith created a media circus. And emerging from a side tent was Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt, a rich, German-born eccentric known mostly as the ninth husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor. The Prinz claimed to have had an affair with Smith. He also claimed to be the biological father of her daughter, Dannielynn. Right. It is time, good sir, to crawl back from whence you came.

4. Tori Spelling

With a giggle in her throat and a blank stare on her face, Spelling continues to flit around the margins of celebrity. Her TV show Tori & Dean: Inn Love could be a powerful treatment for insomniacs. And the fact she's now an ordained minister - damn you, Internet! - proves only that God is a rascal. Tori, please make like Donna Martin and vanish in 2008.

3. Isaiah Washington

The weird thing is even his character on Grey's Anatomy wasn't likeable. Isaiah Washington used a homophobic slur. Then he denied it. Then he apologized for it. Then he got fired. Then he went on a tour of defensive counterattack. But throughout the year, the one thing he never seemed was remorseful. Good luck on Bionic Woman, Isaiah, however long that show lasts.

2. Britney Spears

The train to Crazyville left early this year, with a bald Britney making faces out the window. Along the way, y'all, the train made stops in Reckless Driving, Umbrella Attack, Lost Custody, Rehab, Parking Snafus, All-Hours Partying and Shockingly Bad Live Performance. Pull up your underpants and pull yourself together, girl! This routine is getting old, as are you.

1. You

No offence, but what was Time magazine thinking in 2006 when it declared You as the Person of the Year? In the ensuing 12 months, what exactly have You done? Posted vacation videos on YouTube? Started a blog? Joined a group on Facebook? Yes, we live in a narcissistic age. And, yes, we keep hearing about the hyper-democratization of media. But here's the thing: if everybody is famous then nobody is famous. Besides, this is what Time missed: You are a bore.